Losing a marriage that you have really invested in is something no one can wish even on an enemy. But the good news is that you can save your marriage before it goes sour! It will need a lot of work and some tips to turn things around. The following are proven ways and tips to save your marriage and get things back in the right direction.
Visualize your fantasies
When couples finally decide that they are going to separate, the only thing they see often is getting out of the problems they are facing and starting a new and less troubled life. This is always unrealistic, thinking that everything will be better when they break up.
Visualize a post- break up life and how your daily life is going to change. Will you stand your exes moving in with a new partner? Besides, the grass on the other side might even be browner than where you are now. People are not perfect. Your next partner that you are yearning to be with could be worse off than your current one.
Visualization puts you in place to think of the reality of how life could be like versus what you are just fantasizing about. Think of what could never be replaced after you move on. Do these things overwrite the reasons you’re thinking to break up? Can you work your issues out to bring things back to normal? Then a break up is the last thing you should think about, after trying to save your marriage.
Know that you have a choice
Realizing that both of you have a choice to save your marriage can work wonders in your relationship. When couples are on the same page to finding a solution to a common problem, their efforts are doubled and will surely work through anything. One important thing is to ensure that both of you have made the decision to save the marriage. Things like deciding to seek therapy to work on your issues can be helpful if no one seems forced through the process. And if both of you have agreed to go to a therapist, then it shows you’re willing to save your marriage.
Be positive toward certain actions in your marriage
When years go by, couples often forget about the reasons they are together and why they chose each other at first. They instead begin to focus on the negative stuff that changes their views on their partner. A study revealed that the longer you stay in a marriage, the higher the chances of having a negative view rather than a positive view towards your partner.
However, did you know that if you work to maintain a positive view towards your partner, you are more likely to stay together for long? So, instead of thinking negatively when your husband leaves dirty dishes in the sink, think that he’s still got a nice smile. However small the positive things might be, always make an effort to have these views towards your partner.
Celebrate victories, no matter how small they are
A study showed that spouses respond to good news in different ways: excited, supportive, quiet, no response, and discouraging. Who are you in these categories?
If you fall under the discouraging category, then your marriage probably faces lower levels of happiness, similar to those who respond quietly to good news.
Always try to receive the good news of small orbig victories in a proper way. Celebrating with a happy and excited face adds more happiness to your marriage.
Make a list of all the issues in your marriage that make you angry
Not always does anger mean it’s time for disagreements and fights. Having no hope does not always mean it’s time to give up and break up. These two often indicate that there are deep underlying issues that need to be solved.
Start by asking yourself about the things that are making you angry in your marriage. You can even write down a list of all these issues, including the ones that are irritating your partner.
Shift the focus back to you
Often when you feel angry, your focus usually shifts to your spouse and what they are doing to make you angry. However, when you shift the focus back to you, you tend to work on your concerns and desires. Ask yourself what you want and try to give that to yourself rather than staying angry with your partner. Ensure you are not wanting them to do some things differently. It’s about you and what you want to do for yourself to feel better. Then also figure out what you might do differently to change the situation you are in and even end the arguments and disagreements.
Fight fairly
Fighting fairly also includes expressing your concerns constructively and making decisions in a cooperative way. Understanding what your partner’s and your concerns are as important for your marriage as it helps create a balance in the relationship without one feeling discriminated against. The goal of fighting fairly is to help reach a decision that pleases both of you. When arguing, do not always think of winning, but think of letting the fair and reasonable side win. This will make you feel comfortable in the decisions you have reached.
Increase the positive energy you share together
Smile together, kiss and hug, have more bedtime, stay appreciative, and spend more time together, whether it’s just an evening walk, a date, or a movie night. Help each other out when they really need your support, laugh more, and do fun things together often.
These things are often assumed by many partners. But they are obviously the reason why most of us are in relationships and marriages. If you can do them with your partner, then you’re likely to avoid a break up and stay longer with your spouse.
Conclusion
It’s said that intimacy fades with time in marriage. And when it completely reduces in any marriage, flaws and imperfection begin to resurface. You can only see the negative side of your partner. And this is why divorces happen. But you can always avoid getting to that point. These tips provide helpful ways to save your marriage from divorce by restoring or keeping the fire burning in your marriage as long as you keep doing them.
