Should I Tell My Partner I Cheated? 7 Things to Consider

You cheated on your partner and now you are wondering “should I tell my partner I cheated?”

What will happen if you do tell them? Or should you keep it a secret and try to move past it?

Here are some 7 things to consider when making your decision whether to tell your partner you cheated or not:

1. Should I Tell My Partner I Cheated If There is No Evidence

If it makes you feel better to tell your partner that you cheated, then go ahead and tell them. If it doesn’t make you feel better to tell them, then don’t. But remember keeping a lie can cause harm. If you keep a lie for a long time and then tell them the truth, or they find out somehow, (like through a deep web search) it may be uncomfortable for both of you because they have been living with that lie as well. It’s up to you what you want to do!

If your partner is someone who typically tries to avoid drama and is calm in most situations, they probably won’t react dramatically even if you tell them about the infidelity. However, if your partner has a short temper or is very dramatic when stressed out or angry, then you should be prepared for the worst when telling them. If this is someone you are afraid may harm you physically, tell them about the infidelity over the phone or over e-mail and end this abusive relationship. Contact the hotline here if you want more advice on domestic violence.

2. Should I Tell My Partner I Cheated If There IS Evidence

If the infidelity was recent and there is evidence that can be used against you (such as text messages or letters), or they did a reverse phone lookup on you, then you should consider disclosing the infidelity. This means that if your partner found the text messages or letters, then they know for sure there was infidelity. If this happened and you want to stay together, then by all means disclose the infidelity . Don’t let pride control your decision making at a time like this!

3. I Cheated but It Happened in the Past?

If infidelity happened in the distant past, then you should consider your situation. If there is no evidence against you (such as text messages or letters) and if your partner never suspected anything , then disclosing the infidelity is up to you. I know that it may seem better to disclose the infidelity in order to show that you are trustworthy and honest, but if your partner never suspected anything and you have moved on from the infidelity, then there is no harm in letting it go.

4. I Cheated In The Past AND There is Evidence

If infidelity happened in the past and there is evidence of cheating against you, but your partner has not discovered the evidence (such as text messages or letters), then this will be a difficult situation. Some people might say “hiding the evidence of infidelity is just as bad as committing it in the first place,” but if you tell them it could be enough to end your relationship. If you are trying to get back into your partner’s good graces consider holding off on telling them. You might want to consider how much evidence there is against you and what it could mean for your relationship before making a decision about telling your partner you cheated.

5. Should I Tell My Partner I Cheated If They Cheated on Me?

If infidelity happened in the past and there is evidence of cheating against you, and now you have cheated, then disclosure is the probably the best option. In this situation, if you disclose your infidelity to your partner then they might forgive you and you can move forward together . On the other hand, if you don’t disclose and they discover it themselves, there is a much bigger chance that your relationship will be over. So if you want your relationship to continue, then disclosure is the best option for you. But it might be time to ask yourselves if this is the best relationship environment. It may be time to bring the spark back.

6. It’s Hard to Move Forward With Secrets

Generally speaking, disclosure is the best route to take. It gives both of you a chance to move forward and sort out the problem. If you choose not to disclose, then your partner might find out on their own and there is no way of knowing how they will react.

If you do decide to tell them, let them know that you care about them and that you want things to work out between the two of you. You might be nervous when telling your partner about the infidelity, but remember that they care for you and want things to work out too.

7. How to tell your partner you cheated

Just come clean. It may be hard at first, but it will get easier over time. Just apologize for what you’ve done and then reassure them that you want to work things out. Be open to their questions and just let the conversation flow naturally. If they ask you a question, answer it honestly and tell the truth about what happened. Don’t try to hide anything because they will find out eventually if there is evidence against you!